shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
