I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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