my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
