So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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