I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
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And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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