Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
