I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
