I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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