I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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