im drinking this country out of the recession.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
