C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
