making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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