I want to make a zoo with you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
