you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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