I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
