Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
