as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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