I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
