you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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