I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
love makes seman taste better
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
