I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
