I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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