It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
