youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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