i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
this hospital has no fireball
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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