I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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