hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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