Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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