He kissed a someone with a penis
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
