i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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