Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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