When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
