Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
