just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
