New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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