Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
