Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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