I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize