Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
