If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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