Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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