I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
