what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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