It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
