Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
