That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
