I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
