craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
