i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
