How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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