Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Houston, we have a squirter
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
