Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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