I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She bit a glass in half.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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