Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize