this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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