Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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