He disabled his match.com account in front of me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
