Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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