my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
