I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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