You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
