I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have already put on my inside pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
