you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
