It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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