Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
